SWEAT- it’s a great feeling!

By the sweat of my brow, sweat equity, blood sweat and tears, don’t sweat the small stuff, etc etc.  I (Joy) got to thinking about this sweat stuff and realized after a hot yoga session-sweat is good.  It makes you feel alive!  It lets you know you’ve worked your hardest – or that the room is 95 degrees and you are attempting to do downward dog!

Sweating is a bodily function that makes me happy, satisfied with my performance.  In the words of Winston Churchill- “I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.”  Winston must have known something!

My daughter desperately wanted a yoga room in our basement so last winter we renovated the space and installed a sauna. (I wasn’t planning on it since I am now retired and watching my spending!)  But I love saunas and so does she. A perfect addition to a yoga space complete with light that turns from green to red by remote control,  Very Zen indeed! There is nothing like going downstairs in your own home with a towel wrapped around you to sweat for an hour!  This is sweat not from hard work like exercise, but pure heat raising your body temperature.  Ah sweat!  It’s wonderfully sinful! Next a hot tub!

Sweat is just fat crying-can’t take credit for this marvelous quote, but had to use it!


Barclay chiming in…

My friend, Geri, observed that when you first begin a hot yoga class, you think you look OK.  Your hair is neatly tied back; you’re wearing the right gear.  But then gradually over the course of the hour, you begin to turn into a monster.  Your hair becomes alternately matted and frizzy; your mascara from the night before has descended to your cheek; and you are pouring out sweat in all the wrong places.

But, you feel amazing!  Cleansed.  Accomplished.  And perhaps a tad high on endorphins.

The site, Medical Daily, tells us that sweating (while exercising) detoxifies our body, boosts our immune system, and cleanses our skin.  It’s even better, they say, if we do so with other people.

“Exercising increases the level of the “feel-good” endorphin hormones that are naturally released during physical activity. A 2009 study published in the journal Biology Letters found group workouts actually increase endorphin levels and cause less pain for those who work out together than those who train alone. Sweating it out during a group exercises like Zumba or hot yoga can help put a smile on your face.”

Oh, and it also helps get rid of any alcohol that may be lingering in your system from the previous evening.

So sweat away.  It’s empowering; it’s feminine; it’s mood lifting.

Channel your inner Jane Fonda, circa 1980, with her legging-socks.  A style that YOU could bring back into vogue!


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Today’s Takeaway –

-My mother was right AGAIN.  She loved to sweat during a workout.  Check out Keep Moving!

-Do not look in the mirror when you leave your Hot Yoga class.  You will see a frizzed out monster which in no way resembles you!


Enjoy the Sweaty Ride!

xox Barclay and Joy

Mrs. Grossman, is that you???

This is an addendum to the post of several weeks ago about reconnecting through social media.  
The Last Time I Saw You We Were 7!!


Mrs. Grossman was one of my favorite teachers of all time. All us girls at P.S. 165 (shout out to the upper west side before it was hip and cool!)  She was 21 at the time and we were her second teaching job ever!  (just learned this recently) She was pretty  and when you think about it not even a full generation removed from us 7 year old girls!

My friend Paula wanted more than anything to reconnect with Mrs. Grossman and she made it her business to find this woman.  Eureka!!  Through the skill of Scott, Paula’s husband he found a phone number and hoped this was the right woman.  Last night Paula had a 2 hour phone conversation with her that was filled with tears of happiness and nostalgia.  The only reason it didn’t go on longer was that Mrs. Grossman’s phone died!

Just as I had said in my previous post, how does one catch up on a hiatus of over 50 years?!  The answer is you can’t. You don’t.  You ask about children, parents, births, marriages, deaths, health.  You let the person know you have thought about them and how much they influenced your life.  Paula actually became a teacher because of 2 people that deeply influenced her.  One was Mrs.  Grossman.  How must that feel to tell someone that they chose their career path because you were a role model.

Mrs. Grossman was so touched and flattered.  She mentioned names of other students from our class that she had recalled and asked if Paula had kept in touch with anyone.  Of course, our own story of reconnection was told.

It brought back for both Paula and me a time of innocence and simplicity.  It made us both happy to talk about the effect this one gesture, a phone call had on the life of a woman who we still remembered.

One person can have a dramatic effect on another human being.  In Paula’s case she saw Mrs. Grossman as the teacher she might be one day.

My dear blogging partner, Barclay, became a wonderful reading specialist.  Not sure who her influence might have been or even if there was one.  I have no doubt she was  nurturing and passionate  in her career  leaving an indelible impression on many young children.

Today’s Takeaway

-People are effected and influenced differently.  We all have the ability to shape an opinion, an impression and shouldn’t diminish what we bring into this world.

-Lest I get too serious and philosophical, I have included my (and Paula’s) 2nd grade class picture which features my Mamie Eisenhower bangs!  Who knows, perhaps skirts with straps will make a comeback and pixie haircuts with Mamie bangs!  They tell me fashion is cyclical!

Enjoy the ride

xox Barclay & Joy



Letting Go

Thanksgiving is over and I’m driving my daughter home. The car pulls up to her apartment.  There’s a quick hug. “Keep in touch!” I say as she bolts from the car. “Yeah…mom…keep in touch.”

After holiday togetherness, I fight sadness with saying good-bye.  And I am fortunate that – presently- my daughter, son, and daughter in law live close by.

But they have their own lives.

As they should.

Why do I cling to moments when we are under the same roof?  Why is letting-go so hard?

Richard Rohr says that “All spirituality is about letting go.”  (I think he means LIFE itself is about letting go.)

Father Rohr would probably recommend that Clingers like me investigate the spiritual discipline of Detachment.  In The Power of Spiritual Detachment we are told more about this ancient practice,

Spiritual detachment is a process that frees us from whatever interferes with our spiritual growth. Detachment helps us avoid disordered inclinations and relationships with persons or things. Detachment can help us avoid negative memories and thoughts that keep us from God’s love.”

So what does this look like?

For me, it means letting go (or detaching) from that which I can’t hold on to – so that I can grab (or attach) to that which is eternal, to God Himself, who actually may not be repelled by my abject clinginess.

I am a slow learner though.  But I do know one thing..

When cars pull away from apartment doors. when hugs dispatch in front of  bustling United terminals – that’s when the practice of Detachment comes in handy.  That’s when I need to reach out and attach to the hand of God.

Who thankfully is reaching toward me.




Barclay and I are so in tune with each other on this topic.  It is especially hard for me to let go as well. Like a true Cancer (my astrological sign) I am tenacious, a lover of home and hearth, and slow ( I mean slow!) to accept that life isn’t what it used to be!

I love being with my daughters and am blessed to have one of them living with us (still!  re-read “The Boomerang Daughter” for clarity) I know that there is a reason she is with me now.  It could be she will move to a foreign country for her career or marry someone from abroad. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, though we may not understand the why’s until many years later.  There is a bigger plan and if you believe in a higher being, then trust that the pieces of the puzzle will be revealed in due time.

Many of my friends who have grown children have been able to let go because their offspring are engaged or married. If they haven’t entered into that next phase of life (mine have not), then you (make that me) tend to see them as an extension of their younger selves. So my goal, as a Jewish mother is to hover ever so lightly, trying to loosen the reins as much as my personality will allow, and hope that they tell me when I have stepped out of line!


Today’s Takeaway –

-It turns out that if you pay for dinner or for vacations, the whole family will come!  Something to think about!

-If a roll of the eyeball is directed at you, if your grown child has to peel himself away from your hug, if  a stray tear is seen rolling down your cheek – well, as Joy says, it’s time to loosen those reins lest your kids run, not walk, in the other direction.

-If you need some sappiness in your life, just park yourself in front of the Hallmark channel with a glass of wine in hand.

Disclaimer-We know this is what we should be doing.  This does not mean we’re very good at practicing it!

Enjoy the Ride


Barclay and Joy

Your Retirement Identity: I just feel like myself when…

“When I’m on a tennis court, I just feel like myself,”

I knew exactly what Judy meant by that comment.  There is something about the sounds and smells of an indoor tennis facility – balls bouncing and tennis shoes squeaking – that makes me “feel like myself”.   For 50 plus years, this setting has been akin to an anti-depressant, where life’s troubles are shelved for a couple of hours (and no weight gain!!…adds Joy.)

Where do you feel like yourself?

The forest preserve?  Your church sanctuary?  The public library?  A yoga mat?  Or at a Starbucks sitting across from a great friend, over-caffeinated and laughing your head off?  Remember laughter is the best therapy and I’d rather have laugh lines than any other wrinkle anytime!

Retirement offers us more time in such settings.  And time to discover new ones. In fact, the most happy retirees are those who discover new passions, new places to feel like themselves.

For me personally (Joy here) I crave being busy, over programmed, juggling tasks.  I’m not so sure I am ready for so much time to mull over my new state of being.  Perhaps, I just need to adjust.  If it takes me longer, that’s okay.  I will find my special place and I will know it when I see it.

Who better to help us than Oprah who offers a free passion quiz  —  under the enticing title, Who am I meant to be?

And then there’s Maria Shriver, our Mentor – who unfortunately doesn’t yet know she’s mentoring us.  Maria applauds those pursuing passions and making a difference.  Check our her interviews at Architects of Change.

Maria challenges US to be Architects of Change.

“We all have the power to be Architects of Change in our own lives, in our own homes and our own communities… to imagine what can be, then create what you envision. You can make a difference, play a part in moving humanity forward and ultimately, uniting it.  Together, we will create a more caring, conscious, connected and compassionate community.”


So for us,  this retirement season is a time to look beyond the tennis court and the yoga mat to imagine more.   More places to feel like ourselves. To forget ourselves.

We don’t need to conform to anyone’s image of who we should be.  Performance reviews are not given in retirement! (If they were though, Barclay and I deserve “much improved”!)

We may not yet be Architects of Change, but we can be Architects of Ending Strong. Whatever that looks like.

Oh and we may have to stalk Maria.  Just a bit.  Don’t tell her.  (She may get a restraining order!)


Today’s Takeaway –

-As much as we love Maria, it probably isn’t a good idea to stalk another person.  There are consequences!  Although, I’m sure her home is lovely!

-There really isn’t such a thing as retirement, is there?  It should be called “work in progress”!  We retired from the workforce, that’s all.  We are still the same people as we were when we wore professional attire!  Now my dress code is more yoga pants and a loose fitting tee shirt! Think of the savings in dry cleaner bills!


Enjoy the ride!

xox Barclay and Joy











Thanksgiving Memories

With Thanksgiving this Thursday, Barclay and I thought we would start a tradition of writing our own recollections.  After all, in this first year of publishing http://www.revisionistretirement.com, we want to celebrate with you. To our followers in Mexico, Canada, and elsewhere in the world, it’s the spirit of being with people you care about over a meal that you are fortunate enough to have on your table.  You are all family now since you know far more than you ever wanted to about both of us!! I like to call it blog catharsis!  I digress…

I love Thanksgiving, always have.  It’s an innocent holiday, no gifts, no high expectations (I hope the mashed potatoes come out fluffy.  I hope the turkey isn’t dried out, …) but rather traditions passed down from generation to generation.

Muriel, my mother, labored over Thanksgiving every year.  She ironed the bedspreads (I’m lucky if I make the bed at all!) went down to the Lower East Side to buy nuts, prunes, dates and marshmallows that she made into a confection stacked with a toothpick.  She took that recipe from her mother.  She had to climb on a ladder to get the “good” dishes down from a cabinet in our kitchen too tall for any human being to reach without help. Linen tablecloths and napkins passed down from my great grandmother to her daughter (my grandmother) to my mother with monograms. A bygone era of formality and manners.

The most important tradition was the chestnut stuffing, no recipe, but passed down by observation.  It started with 2 day old white bread, scoring chestnuts, roasting them to sweet nuttiness, and the addition of chicken broth, sautéed onions, celery, salt, pepper, paprika, touch of sage, onion powder, and if a bit dry, a touch of oil.  I can’t give you specifics because they are in my head and only passed on to family members! This one recipe was the hallmark of our family celebration, coupled with watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade while my mother ironed the bedspreads and attended to last minute details before the 3:00 planned feast.

Traditions are wonderful to pass down to our children, make them your own and value them.  The generation they came from will live in the foods you prepare, as well as the smells in your home unique to your own family history.


Peggy was not big on holiday fanfare. I will have to consult my brother on this, but I don’t recall any Thanksgiving feasts or Christmas stockings.  When we moved to Florida she didn’t bother with a Christmas tree.

So when I became a mom I was determined to go to the other extreme.

The only problem was that I was not much of a cook.  My mother in law, Rosemarie, had to resuscitate many a parched turkey or salvage many a side dish of dry stuffing or limp green beans.  Sounds appetizing I know!

For dessert we eventually just turned to Bakers Square since my pie creations were not exactly award-winning.

But we did have FUN in the kitchen and around the table.  Our neighbors would come over for cocktails and appetizers and we’d be a happy group by the time dinner was served around 4pm.

We loved playing games as well.   After dinner, a card game of Hearts would be in full swing while football played in the background.

Joy is right about the innocence of Thanksgiving.

Just family, friends, and togetherness.  A tad drunk – chewing on a dry turkey!

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We welcome your own recollections of Thanksgiving and why you think it’s special.

Your Brain on Games

My mother was a NY Times Crossword Puzzle snob.  She tackled the Sunday edition in pen, disdaining anyone looking over her shoulder offering lame suggestions.  She used the “e word” liberally  — “Oh Barclay, really, it’s so easy.”  Which of course left you feeling completely stupid when 1 Across through 5 Down were as blank as your brain.

But lest we be too hard on Peggy, many of us may have some puzzle-snobism within – (though never uttering the e-word).  Brett is a Jumbles Expert —  who sees beyond LOUEDM and REFTER to their real-word counterparts  – something I am in awe of.  (**Answers provided at  the end of this post; give it a go; I dare you!)

My friend, Debbie, is a Suduko expert; Michelle a crossword aficionado a al Peggy.

I am the master of none.

Sudokos leave me feeling stupid; Crossword puzzles must have the word, EASY, emblazoned on them; and Jumbles — well, all I see is REFTER which clearly describes a person who likes “refting”.

And witnessing me try to parallel park will have you chuckling for days.  (Ask my friend, Jeanne).

But the good news is that we can improve our skills and our brains will be the better for it – particularly if we play different types of brain games.

Dr. Gary Small of the UCLA Longevity Center says, “Just as you’d lift weights AND do cardio, you can maximize cognitive fitness with various types of exercise”.  By “exercise” he means brain games which we rotate according to their targeted focus.

Language: Jumbles, Scrabble

Visual-Spatial: Mazes, Jigsaws

Problem Solving: Chess, Sudoku, Logic games

Memory and Concentration: Trivial Pursuit, Candy Crush




Interestingly, I’ve noticed at the nursing home I visit with Codie, the older folks who seem the most engaged are those who are cradling a Crossword or a Word Search, who never miss a Jeopardy or a Wheel of Fortune.  These folks also prefer books with large print to TV unending.

And one more thing about games, they are FUN.  They provide challenge, satisfaction, a sense of control.

And they just may help in remembering where your keys are (hopefully not in the freezer) or the name of that neighbor of 15 years.

Plus they may provide a chuckle or two — as you “reft” onward.


Today’s Takeaway –

-Find a puzzle to tackle today.  There’s no shame in looking for the word, EASY!

-Celebrate your progress.  I have completed ONE Suduko,  Yes, one.  But I will drink to that!


Enjoy the DEIR***!

xox  Barclay and Joy



** muddle; ferret

*** RIDE


Got a minute?  Oprah.com offers this challenge —

Changing Words (language)

Begin with WALL and change one letter at a time until you get to FIRM. Each change has to create an actual word.




14,600 dinners and counting!!!

Just like the lyrics from “Seasons of Love”, Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes, (from the musical Rent, in case it’s a question on Jeopardy) I figure I have prepared at least 14,600 dinners over a 41 year marriage!!!!!!!  Not even counting breakfast or lunch!

My husband, being very thoughtful decided to try one of these meal plans that delivers to the home relieving me (for at least a couple of dinners) of this tedious chore!  Don’t get me wrong.  I love to cook, make new recipes, experiment, but having to get dinner on the table every night is pure drudgery! (along side grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning, etc!)

We had tried every meal plan under the sun for our younger daughter who has no interest in cooking. Her New York City size kitchen doesn’t offer much counter space so I get that it’s not easy to prepare food. Her solution to meal preparing, as it is for many New York City apt dwellers is Seamless, otherwise known as take out! I digress since this post is about my husband and I in our attempt to make dinner together.

My husband opted for a company called Plated (www.plated.com) that sends you all the ingredients cut up in nice little packages including spices and a lovely recipe card in color!  Don’t look at the calories because for some reason every dinner is in the 600-900 range. This was something we could do together while at the same time putting sustenance in our bodies!

It brought to mind  the time, as newly weds, we attempted to wall paper one wall for effect in our hallway.  Mind you, this was not even an entire room, but rather one wall!  It was a disaster fraught with yelling at each other, tears, and blaming one another for wrinkles in the pattern. We never wall papered together again! (nor painted, nor shared in any fix it projects in the house for the 25 years we lived in suburbia) In an apartment you call the super!  In a house, you pay for someone to do it for you!  Not related!

With me on one side of the counter and my husband on the other we share the tasks at hand for preparing Chicken Caprese.  Sautéing, roasting, a little more dicing, tasting, a glass of vino  along side.  Maybe, this was what was needed.  A new approach to dinner preparation, one that I was resistant to at first, turned out to be fun! I did my part and he did his to create something yummy, nutritionally balanced, and  required no scouring recipes on the internet!

So I still prepare a few dinners on my  own, unassisted (with our agreement being, if I cook, he cleans up and if he cooks, I clean) Taking a couple dinners off my plate makes me feel freer, breaks me out of my mold.  I’m learning, albeit slowly, that I don’t have to do things the same way I did before.  As my daughter Morgan always tells me, I make dinner the way my mother did.  Potato (a starch), veggies (my mother used Bird’s Eye frozen-hey, it was the 1960’s!) and chicken or steak or maybe even liver and onions! I steam vegetables to preserve their vitamins ,bake sweet potatoes rather than white Idahos, and grill  chicken that has been lovingly cared for in the Hudson Valley!

Today’s Takeaway…

. Do something fun with your spouse.  Preparing meals can be so routine. Spice it up and try one of these plans that can make dinner an enjoyable experience!

. Leave the wall papering to a professional!

. Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, Home Chef- the Ubers of meal plans!

Enjoy the Ride

xox Barclay & Joy



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